The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, nearness, love, and well-being .

However when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

However, North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is view necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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